Challenge the comfort-zone

sometimes to write our bewilderment down helps. 

i will never get why i provoke some particular feelings reflected in some sentences typically addressed to me. 

imagine me just speacking normally to someone about my experiences, inclined to compare interests and life events constructively. well, the thing is that a lot of people start to feel almost uneasy and to tell me "oh but you lived such intense experiences, i really have nothing to say about that."  or  "you're so mature, of course you know better"  or  "are you real?". 

my first reaction is bewilderment. i use to say "i'm just telling you an experience, no big deal if you lived different stuff in your life. i look forward to know something about you, not to hear that you went through the same events i did."  or   "ehm... i am just a normal person on her path, i'm still learning a lot... i really don't think about myself as a super hero.".

i use to smile. but it's not a real smile. 

i feel quite alone when i hear this sort of sentences.

i met people in my life who lived amazing experiences that i still didn't experienced myself, but it was a pleasure for me to listen to them and learn something new. then i spoke about something i lived, or asked more about them. i don't get why the average people are both attracted and scared by someone different. 

moreover, it is not my intention at all to provoke a sense of inferiority on my interlocutor. when it is crystal clear that she/he feels inferior, i question myself on what i said wrong, just to find out that most of the times it is not me, but their insecurity reflected on me.

the other thing that i don't like, is that this attitude kills the dialogue and therefore prevents me to learn something new from the person i am speacking with. 

there are no little or big experiences, there is just life, and how you see it. i found enlightenment in Central American farmers wisdom on life, in an Honduran washerwomen with an handicapped son. i grew up with a dad who skipped on every occasion of happiness he had to achieve something big, and nonetheless he is one of the best human beings i met.  

the truth is that when you put a person on a pedestal you distance her/him from you. 

it's more comfortable not to deal with someone who could question by her/his mere existance your lifestyle, your mindset, your fixed ideas... your dear narrow, dark, little comfort-zone. 

but you can't escape the fact that there is no distance between human beings. if someone could live or achieve something, you can do it too. our potential and true inner desires differ, but we are called to challenge our comfort-zone following our souls. it is the ultimate purpose of human interaction. when i hear something great achieved by someone, i think "come on... are you telling me that we could also do this? i did't imagine that!". 

nobody is perfect and we all experience fear and envy. instead of fear someone or be envious and dwell upon those feelings, we have the choice to take those feelings as a challenge to our comfort zone. those feelings help you question your choices, make you think if you're really going where your heart wants to bring you, and if you find yourself in peace with that aspect, you start to feel interest, joy and admiration for others. 

well... my hope has to be that i'll attract more constructive people in my life. 

people who will see Sarah as Sunlightkeeper, as a learner with insecurities and doubts, with tremendous courage to stand up again after failing, and recognising that we never really fail if we consider it as a teaching.  i want to be seen more as a travel companion than as an unreal unreachable person.